How To Not Be a Loser With Women in Second Life

romanceBack in 2011 I had young man ask my advice on how to not be a “total loser” with women in Second Life. He wasn’t trying to chat me up, and he wasn’t looking for a quick hookup. He was genuinely seeking a partner.

How does one respond to such a question? No two humans are exactly alike, and what pleases one person may make another run for the hills. Any advice I give would come from my own perspective, and no matter how neutral I try to be it’s still me writing the “how to” – and I’m not generally typical with my taste in anything.

For the sake of entertainment, I decided to write an article called “How To Not Be a Loser With Women in SL.” Please take it with a grain of salt, and I apologize if it seems sexist toward men (or women) in any way since that is not my intention. Feel free to totally disagree with me.

In spite of the attention grabbing headline, I don’t actually think any man should be focused on behaving in a certain way to please women so that they’re not “total losers” with them. I think the best thing anyone of any gender can do is to just be themselves. It is, however, good to respect other people and their feelings and to know how our behavior can come across. We should definitely be ourselves, but it doesn’t hurt to understand how other people think.

So here goes. A list of ways to NOT be a total loser with women in SL.

Be confident in who you are. You are unique. There is no one on the planet exactly like you. You should not be ashamed of who you are, and you have no reason to be shy, scared, or timid. Being confident does not mean being arrogant, pushy, or loud. It means being secure in who you are.

Talk to women as human beings. In general just talk to them as you would your male buddy. The exception is “You look terrible today” or “Wow, you have gained weight” which probably won’t go over too well.

Be positive and avoid moaning or trashing other people. A few years ago someone spread it about that women liked if men were vulnerable and sensitive. That’s actually true to a certain extent, but some took this as being OK to constantly whine about problems, distress, and pain of how their ex treated them. Intuitive women avoid men who are whingers or who talk bad about other people. This is not a gender thing. I can’t imagine a man would appreciate a woman doing this either.

It’s great to be frugile, but not great to be a cheapskate. Heard a guy the other day complaining about how expensive things were in SL. I agreed with some of what he said but hearing the man moan because he had to pay a few lindens for clothing instead of getting them for free made me think “cheapskate.”

Type words out instead of using netspeak, ebonic slang, or cell phone abbreviations. Unless you’re talking to someone who also says stuff like “how R U 2day” or “show sum linden luv” avoid it. How hard can it be to type “you” instead of “u”?

Be Brave. This can mean many things. It can be speaking out when no one else will, or stepping up to protect someone who is weaker. It can mean not being a stick in the mud or afraid to try new things. I could make a huge list of what bravery could be, but it would take an entire article. In general, most women do not like cowards.

If you chase two rabbits you lose them both. If you show interest in more than one woman, a quality woman will lose interest in you. You might end up with someone who doesn’t care if you like several women, but do you really want that? Would you mind if she liked several men? Tip: If your girlfriend doesn’t mind if you have feelings for other girls, she’s not that into you.

Try to look halfway decent. I saved this for last because people can vary in how much looks matter to them. They also vary in what they perceive as “looking good.” I have known superficial women who disregarded a man because they thought his thighs were big. I have known others who did not care what a person looked like at all! People come in all shapes, sizes, and colours… I won’t give advice on style since that’s too subjective, but I will say related to Second Life; get yourself a decent skin and wear mesh. After that, you’re on your own. No matter what your taste is, you’re likely to find some woman who will share it or at least tolerate it if you have a good personality.

That’s it. I tried to keep these tips general rather than specific. Feel free to post your own!

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  1. I think most of these points apply to both SL and RL, Shauna… Sadly there is a distinct lack of general romantic and otherwise etiquette these days, and both men and women have no social skills whatsoever… I think for men it is harder as they are usually bound by the whole “don’t show your feelings” and “be a man” attitudes, however, it would be nice to think that there are at least some role models out there providing a guiding light for men and women on how to treat people generally, as well as in a romantic situation… This is where the system falls down – it seems very few of these character elements are provided or taught by parents, and as time goes by they slip further back into the nothingness… We can only hope that the next generation is given a guiding light where good manners, respect, kindness and caring are all considered the “norm” once more.

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