duginiceDugi Rubble, the owner of Soul Mods, sent me a write up on the chance I might post it here. It’s prose, but there’s something a little poetic about it. I wasn’t sure how to edit it without removing Dugi’s unique voice from the musing, so decided to just present it as he gave it to me.

To me, it looks like Dugi is writing from the perspective of a newbie getting on in age – a whopping 50 days in Second Life! This newbie seems to be seeking advice on how to win chicks and influence people. (Ok, maybe just how to win chicks.)


50 days wandering the vast open wastes of sl a thought struck me 50 days am i no longer a noob? will people stop helping me? am i now alone?
for the last 30 days i have been searching for the one thing girls say i need above all else on sl, trawled through search time and again, even asked a few people and was met with derision and confusion.
maybe if i start a new avatar i will be a noob again because as sure as hell i still need help, you would think that if so many people say the same thing second life would be aware of this and put it in help and search, all those drop down lists and it has no mention anywhere, this world can be so confusing.
i can’t remember the first time it was said nor the many times that  followed, strange though it is always girls that mention it, except one man who said it was good and would i like an ice cream.
an idea just struck me i will ask lindens seeing as they know everything and where the answers and items are.
hello lindens, i keep getting told i am short of something that i need on sl, i cant find any reference to it.
girls keep telling me… get a technique that works quick or you get nowhere with girls on sl
Dugi Rubble

I’d send a guy like this to my How to Not Be A Total Loser With Women in Second Life article.

What advice would you give?

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  1. Interesting piece, thanks Dugi. This raises the question : do you need a ‘ technique ‘ to succeed with the opposite sex , or even with people in general ? Do women need a ‘ technique ‘ as much as men ?

  2. I was told, very early on, what makes you attractive to women in SL. She said ‘you need PIU, no girl will even talk to you if you don’t have it’. I asked what that was and she just said ‘Payment Info Used’. It’s not true, that only made you unattractive to women like she was. I take it with Dugi’s story this was shortly before he first went double denim.

  3. The whole SL as a dating agency thing is really starting to bug me – sure I can see the attraction of an anonymous medium in which you can pursue a romantic and/or carnal association with another, without all the strictures that real world dating can impose – I get it… it’s safe, doesn’t necessarily require any commitment and has endless potential for sneaky liaisons. However, if people are signing up to SL and their number one priority and raison d’etre from the outset is to score or to find a romantic attachment, then I do wish they’d go off to a quiet corner of the Grid and get on with it, without having to drag their single-minded pursuit of pixel partnership into everything they, and those around them, are involved in!

    If it’s that important, there are a multitude of alternatives far better suited to the purpose than SL – Tinder, Scissr, Grindr, to name just a few. All of which are entirely focussed on that one thing. Surprisingly to those of the one-track-mind persuasion, there are in fact a multitude of people for whom SL holds an abundance of activities and pursuits that are on an entirely different plane: fashion, music, design, scripting, art, dance, roleplay, building, commerce, discussion, writing, socialising, even gambling – get stuck into any of those things and I reckon you’re far more likely to: a) become more appealing to a potential significant other or one-night-stand, and b) find yourself in the company of said desirable person.

    As for ‘technique’ – I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that there are some things that absolutely do not work, yet tend to be exactly the approach taken by our hypothetical 50 day old lovelorn avatar:

    • Guys, girls and small furry creatures tend not to fall for overly needy, whiny, self-deprecating losers. Get a grip, grow a pair and wake up and smell the coffee – there’s a whole world out there, virtual and real, that’s full of other stuff to keep your mind off your own personal loneliness;

    • Nothing wrong with asking a girl/guy/small furry creature if they’re interested… But, badgering them, insinuating your way into their company, stalking, letching, and constantly trying to convince them that their ‘no’ is really ‘yes’ in disguise, is not going to to make them fall head over heels in love with you, or fall into bed with you. Leave them in peace, get a hobby and, when they see you’re not really that desperate after all, they might just warm to you;

    • Trying it on with someone who is not interested in a virtual relationship, partnered, married or otherwise taken in RL is a pretty stupid thing to do. When people put information like that in their profile, they’re not issuing a challenge, and – if you’re unable to translate that, I’ll assist: It means ‘Back off!’ – If you’re not convinced, be prepared for the virtual equivalent of a kick in the privates;

    • Jumping on complete strangers is no different in SL to RL. And you wonder why you always feel rejected?

    • Just in case you didn’t get it – No means no.

    I’m well aware that this comment may draw the ire of those inhabiting our particular corner of the intranet – then again, there may be those who think I’m bang on the money. Either way, I’m not unsaying it.

    s. x

  4. Great comments from all of you. And Seren, I am glad you say just what you think. Enjoyed reading. 🙂

    I’ll put my two cents in. I believe there is a big difference between people who would like to meet a partner because they’re single and feel more comfortable in a virtual environment (at least at first) than those who are simply looking for a conquest or extramarital affair. The motives are totally different and issues of morality can come into play if the intent is more the second reason.

    I like Simon’s question about whether a “technique” is needed. I’d say it depends on what the desired result is. For me the word technique brings to mind a con to get something from someone, which in this case seems to be sex or admiration. Some clever technique might get a person just that, a one night stand, etc… It might even draw in some sad or lonely person who falls for it, which would be a shame since the person who does will probably end up with a broken heart if they let themselves feel for the person using the “technique” on them.

    If the person wanting to do well with opposite sex is not just looking for a conquest, I think (and this is just my opinion) the best thing to do is just BE YOURSELF. If you’re not yourself then you draw people in on false pretenses and in the end no one is happy.

  5. Great reading folks! Some interesting points – and funny ones!

    For me, there can be no more important “Technique” than BEING YOURSELF… and along with that HONESTY and HUMOUR… After all, these are the foundations of all relationships surely?

    If you can be yourself, be honest and retain a sense of humour then you can just relax, enjoy your time in SL, and not worry about being caught out and ostracised – and I would think that is what SL is for – socialising with like-minded people and having fun!

    I guess I can only say what worked and continues to work for me in SL… hmmm… I forgot to mention that have a severe mental illness that also helps ;))

  6. Sorry I so had to laugh at Serens line : “• Nothing wrong with asking a girl/guy/small furry creature if they’re interested… But, badgering them…..” lol (unless it’s a badger)

  7. Here’s some of my thoughts on technique :

    Obviously in our culture men make the running in relationships and it is generally the man who asks the woman out : by doing so, a man risks rejection by his object of desire. To be rejected can be devastating in terms of both loss and in terms of self-esteem for a man. To take the case of our 50-day noob above , he is obviously looking for company but continually failing and being rejected : I presume he IS being himself , but what if being yourself simply isn’t enough ? The dating game is a competition and our noob is competing with other men who are richer, better looking, cleverer, funnier, wittier and more confident than he is. What chance does he have ? This is why he might need some sort of technique to help him seduce women. You may feel this is wrong, but if we accept that love is a game of sorts then to win a game you need skill, luck, an advantage, or all three combined. If you don’t have luck or an advantage then what is left to you but skill or technique – at least that can be developed. Nobody wants to be continually rejected and left all alone. Here’s a quote :

    ” Should anyone here in Rome lack finesse at lovemaking,
    \ Let him \ Try me—read my book, and results are guaranteed! \
    Technique is the secret. Charioteer, sailor, oarsman, \ All need it \Technique can control \
    Love himself. ” – Ovid ‘ The Art of Love ‘

  8. I see your point, Simon. I understand a man might have to think of something clever to stand out or be more appealing with so much competition. Guys don’t have it easy! I am cool with all that so long as there’s no dishonesty involved.

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